This week's subject hit's close to home for me. I have a female friend who I currently have feelings for. Her brother is one of my best friends. I have known the both of them my entire life and we all have always been great friends. Everything has always been great. A few years ago me and we'll call her "M", started hanging out more and more, and we became the closest of friends. She had no problem keeping it at that stage, unfortunately I was the one who developed feelings for her.
Low and behold I did the dumb thing and I told her how I felt, and unfortunately she didn't reciprocate the same feelings.(story of my life) Anyway after that the friendship became more difficult to keep together. I started getting angry in my head at her for no reason. I got mad at myself for all the dumb things I did and asked myself a very very important question.
"Did I go out of my way to do things for this girl because we're such great friends, or did I do it because I liked her?"
That question haunts me to this day. Fortunately we're still great friends although admittedly not quite as tight as we used to be. But I decided a long time ago I'd rather have her in my life in some capacity, then none at all.
I realized it's probably the hardest when one friend has feelings and the other one doesn't. It leaves alot of questions that want to be asked but never do. I'll always want "M" in my life and my only hope is that one day, she'll feel the same way about me.
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